Why Asking Yourself Hard Questions Matters

We all say we want to heal and be a better version of ourselves. We want nervous system regulation, kinder thoughts, healthier bodies, more love, more ease, the list goes on and on.

And yet, we don’t do the things that would get us to that version. Why?

A lack of discipline? If you’ve read any of my thoughts so far, you know that’s not where I believe the problem lies.

Lack of willpower? Also, no.

We tend to fixate on these particular traits (that are actually skills…) and form our identity around them.

“I don’t have enough discipline to do that.”

“This is just how I am.”

I disagree.

What I’ve learned in my short life is that we avoid ourselves because that’s what's easier.

Asking yourself hard questions is, well… hard. 

It takes looking at yourself honestly. Almost like reading data. (How impersonal is that?) But it works. 

There is no guilt or shame in the data. No emotional component to data. It’s just data. We look at the data, make new decisions based on it, and decide where we would like the data to go. The result might elicit emotions from you, but the data isn’t bad, wrong, or punishable. 

We look at our own patterns the same way. Or at least, we could. Instead, most of us pile on meaning, judgment, and old stories.

“See? I knew I was lazy.”

“Of course I failed, I always do.”

But what if you looked at your life like data?

All these decisions, actions, thoughts, as data points, as information.

If you say you want a regulated nervous system, but you keep skipping rest, that’s data. If you say you want a healthier body, but you never ask what your body actually needs, that’s data. If you say you want more ease, but you continue to choose chaos, that’s data.

Not a life sentence. Not a character flaw. Just feedback.

This is where asking yourself hard questions matters. Because the questions are what help you read the data. Questions like:

What do my actions say I value more: comfort or growth?

Where am I abandoning myself and then calling it “normal”?

What part of me benefits from staying exactly where I am?

These questions are confronting, yes. But they are also clarifying. They turn the vague “I want to heal” into something specific, grounded, and actionable. They show you exactly where your internal world does not match the life you say you want.

The truth is, you can’t fully heal around what you refuse to see.

You can do all the breathwork, supplements, cold plunges, and mindset tools in the world…

But if you won’t sit down and ask, “Where am I lying to myself?” you’ll keep looping the same patterns.

Hard questions are an invitation to getting to know yourself. They say:

“I love you enough to be honest with you.”

“I love you enough to not let you stay asleep to your own power.”

(Maybe part of the problem is that you never learned how to love yourself? Hard question right there.)

We think we avoid hard questions to protect ourselves. To stay safe. To stay comfortable. But what we’re actually doing is abandoning ourselves. We’re choosing short-term comfort over long-term peace.

You don’t need more discipline to become who you want to be.

You need more honesty.

Because once you truly see the gap between what you say you want and what you’re choosing, you can’t unsee it.

And from there, the question becomes beautifully simple:

Given this data, this truth, this version of me, what am I going to choose next?

That’s where healing happens.

One honest question at a time.